laughter

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In The Fast Lane On Only Three Wheels

Published May 14, 2013 by Information General

In the beginning…when i was first thinking about this compilation of tales, i was in serious contemplation over the name. It was either to be; “Alas In Wonderland” or “In The Fast Lane On Only Three Wheels”. Obviously the decision was made and now we have “Alas”, but still, Fast lane has it’s compelling properties, simply for the basis for the name, a tale which now i will tell, with much hilarity at the memory!delighting in everything

 Many of these unbelievable and calamitous events, happened to occur, while driving, or using other means of transport, so within this report; I will include three separate occasions, each as funny as the next though as different as fire and ice.

Let me start with the evening my dear friend had started the party rather early in the afternoon and took it through to the night club of choice, which we mentioned in previous posts. As this was still at a time that limits had not been set to the closing of certain establishments and the sale of liquor, you can be sure that it was well in the wee hours of the following morning that she decided that perhaps it would be a good time to make her way home. As she lives a good way out of the hustle and bustle of mid-town, she braced herself for a 45 to 50 min. drive. This of course, appearing much longer in the mind of one who had by this time well saturated. Once the city street lights increased their regularity to perhaps  500 feet between them, so her eyelids became weighted, and as the darkness of the road engulfed her, so the weights overpowered her heavy lids, and at the very next traffic light, won the battle. Right there in the middle of a four way intersection, she went to sleep. The engine running and her slumped over the wheel, to sleep, per chance to dream. I am told it was a good 40 to 45 mins. later that she was rudely awakened by a traffic policeman rapping wildly on her window, shining his flash light directly into her face. “Are you alright?” He asked, to which she quickly and convincingly answered; “Yes, yes officer, I am just waiting for my friend who is taking a wee.” “Oh” he replied and walked away, and as soon as the traffic light turned green for her again, she put peddle to the mettle and made her escape…without her supposed, now urine free companion. Well of course, you can imagine the look on the traffic cops face as she “left her friend behind”.

Another evening, which involves transport and night’s out includes me. It had been many a weekend that passed without incident, perhaps as she had not been out in some time; but this specific evening we had made all the necessary arrangements so that we could make a night of it, and went out! As she had not been out in sometime, she decided to make up for any wasted moments. I am still not sure exactly what she had, as I was sure I had matched her one for one, but I was still standing, she on the other hand, not so much.

Me, being the more “level-headed”, decided it best that we make our way home, and of course, I would be doing the driving. Though I had not been in the area for a number of years, I was pretty lost and needed directions, as the infrastructure had changed so dramatically over the past few years I had been away. I managed to get the necessary directions out of my precious friend before she slumped down on the passenger seat of the infamous manicured beetle, and I started to drive. Not really sure of where I was, knowing where I was supposed to be going and pretty sure I was on the correct highway, I drove for what felt like a very long time, every couple kilometers nudging her awake to ensure we were on the right track, until eventually I recognized a building, as being one that was possibly 10 to 15 mins away from home, and with a sigh of relief, took the turn and made our way home.

I parked the car in the in front of the garage, now came the next challenge…getting us inside! Now for me, this was not to be a problem, though getting my friend in would prove to be somewhat more challenging.

After about 7 to 10 minutes of rousing her form her slumber, I convinced her that bed was far more comfortable, and she agreed, and opened the door and politely fell out! Leaving her feet in the car, with her butt nestled up against the beetles foot-board, feet in the air and skirt over her head. Myself, still in the drivers seat, could not move for laughing, for a further 10 minutes.

The third incident took place when the twins were on their way out.

On their 18th birthday, their dad had bought them an old “bakkie”, beige in colour and mechanically sound, though the body was in need of serious repair. The driver side door was held closed by a strong nylon rope, which was somehow wrapped around the frame and the door, keeping the door securely closed. This car/van, had a name, as did all our cars, as mentioned before, and “he” took them safely where they were to go. This specific evening, though calamitous, was no different.

While driving, listening to music and laughing at their conversation, the sisters heard a strange “bumping” sound, and the car jolted, ever so slightly. Wide eyes looking at each other, they continued their journey, in the fast lane, when suddenly they were over taken…by their rear wheel! It took them a few seconds to realize that they had lost a wheel, which was clearly in more of a hurry to reach their destination than they were, but when the reality dawned on them, they pulled over and doubled up in laughter, making a phone call to me to retell of their latest encounter! Being in the Fast Lane On Only Three Wheels!

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Alas In Wonderland – An Introduction

Published February 23, 2013 by Information General

 

It has been a long term dream of mine to regale folk with the stories of calamity that seem to befall my closest and certainly, greatly loved friend. I suppose the general consensus and perhaps correct line of thought here may very well be that as my closest friend, i should be providing shelter and concealment to her in regards to these calamities. I mean what friend takes your “worst” and most “embarrassing” moments and plasters them all over, for all to see, and worse still, will actively invite strangers to revile in your “demise”? 
As i said earlier, it is perhaps the correct thought pattern to adopt, but then again, perhaps keeping it hidden will leave a large hollow void in the universe that through the journey of our lives, will be passed unnoticed and as a result not have the ability to touch a life and bring a smile, even a deep stomach laugh, to a weary soul, just needing to laugh at themselves through the lives of others! Hey, besides, we’ve discussed it and laughed it over for many a year!
 
In order to do this any justice at all, some history, as vivid a description as possible and some insight into her thoughts, mindset and dreams as well as mine would be par for the course. And now that i am for the first time in so many years actually putting pen to paper as it were, i fear that i will not be able to do this, or my dear friend justice! You see, as much as i believe that “words come easy to me” it is in her words that i found the humor and mental pictures that resulted in tears rolling down my cheeks! I remember receiving a fax, yes this was before e-mail, or at least before either of us knew about or could operate e-mail, that she had written in her own hand, of an incident involving shoes, stairs and a jacket, that literally had me doubled over in laughter, and took me about two hours to read, because i could not see through the tears. But i do not want to jump ahead of myself.
 
There came a time in our lives that it appeared that we had finally grown up and all these calamitous events were a thing of the past, leaving me with no new material for the “book” i was going to write, and this put the breaks on my intentions. But it is impossible to stop a waterfall with a teaspoon, and just two days ago, i was rewarded with yet more hilarious detail of a new event that just sparked the flame again. 
Truly, i do not believe that there is another who has experienced even a quarter of the calamity my friend takes in her stride as a normal day in her life, but i will let you be the judge of that, and hope you will find as much pleasure in the coming pages as i am guaranteed to have re-living the events while writing them.    Image